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'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Menu

"Waiter, I think you've mixed my bill up with someone who's buying the restaurant."

"There was a time when we made actual wine recommendations. Now all you have to say is 'they're all good and go with everything.'"

'New money or old money?'

Doctor in the house.

Under table for two, Sir?

"What's that for? You want change for the vending machine?"

"You'd be amazed how much I save bring my foie gras from home."

Lobster bib: lobster monster!

'You don't look well.' 'Is it something I ate, expensive food?.'

'Would madame care for a complementary line of coke before the main course?'

'You know what would go really well right now? A light sorbet to cleanse the palate.'

'You think he's gagging on a crouton, too? I think he's just trying to say Gewurztraminer.'

'We don't want a table now, we're not hungry anymore!'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Cannibal fine dining.

"The steak is here to give its full consent."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."

"The free-range chicken with little shoes by Reebok."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.