Fine Dining Afficionado Gifts

"For drinks or dinner?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"How's the salmon?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"Expense account or regular?"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."