Chatty Diner T-Shirts

'His claim to fame is that he's carbon-neutral.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"What fly?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

"Guac-A-Mole"

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."