Cheeky Diner T-Shirts

"The chef said all the regular stuff is as special as it's going to get today."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"What fly?"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."