Quirky Diner T-Shirts

'The customer is always right...'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"I'll have whatever is hot, fast, and artisanal."

'I really am losing weight on the chinese diet...I use only one chopstick.'

'This place is really authentic. The waiter pours you a glass of water, then advises you not to drink it!'

"There must be a better system than this."

Window washer is surprised as restaurant patron reaches for a fork through invisible glass.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

"It's natural food, sir - Just eat it with your fingers."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Vegetarian restaurant - Choose your own vegetables.

Road Kill Cafe.

'I'm sorry, Miss, we don't accept Christmas dinner reservations.'

Backroad cuisine: REDHOT SWEDE...Minnesota - style chili

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'I wanna order an extra-large cheese pizza with no peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, burger, onion, anchovies . . .'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Waiter. This steak tartare is undercooked!"

"For the last time, we serve pancakes with 590 topping combinations. I am not serving you plain toast!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Relax, man. The hallucinations aren't due to food poisoning. That's just the first course kicking in."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"I'm almost a vegetarian. I only ever eat herbivores."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"The Foie Gras parfait sounds nice, and the ox cheek daube with star anise. But we've decided to go for the leftovers."

"You forgot the straw."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

IHOX

"I don't eat meat or fish, so I can't tell you much about the specials."

"I've had the bean curd low mein, the kung po gai ding, and the fortune cookie and, believe me, hands down, the fortune cookie wins every time."