Talkative Diner Gifts

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

Chick in noodle soup.

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

Alexis Tsipras meets Francois Hollande

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

"What's the Chef's Surprise Sir? Well, he's VERY surprised his kitchen has just survived a visit from the Government Food and Hygiene Inspector!"

"The longer it takes him to recite the specials, the guiltier I feel for not ordering one."

"Did I tell you that I'm seeing a chiropractor?" "That's great. Is it helping your back?" "Are you kidding, my back is killing me. We see each other every night."

"Let’s start with that waiter over there."

"Sorry, I refuse to eat anything that has a face."

"So honey, how bad was your day today?"

"Ein Gesichtsprüfer namens Ted hat heute Morgen wegen seines Nachrufs angerufen."