Talkative Diner Pillows

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Chick in noodle soup.

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

Alexis Tsipras meets Francois Hollande

I recommend the ketchup.

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Let’s start with that waiter over there."

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

"The longer it takes him to recite the specials, the guiltier I feel for not ordering one."

"What's the Chef's Surprise Sir? Well, he's VERY surprised his kitchen has just survived a visit from the Government Food and Hygiene Inspector!"

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

"Did I tell you that I'm seeing a chiropractor?" "That's great. Is it helping your back?" "Are you kidding, my back is killing me. We see each other every night."

"Ein Gesichtsprüfer namens Ted hat heute Morgen wegen seines Nachrufs angerufen."

"Sorry, I refuse to eat anything that has a face."

'Sorry - you looked like you were about to say something stupid.'