Thoughtful Diner Gifts

Pick Your Own Lobster/Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"For drinks or dinner?"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Namasteak"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'It would never work out, Harry -- I'm wine and cheese, and you're beer and pretzels.'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Last night I dreamt I was in a fancy french restaurant and everyone was very glad to see me."

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

'Could I have some more sugar cubes please?'

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'

Bacon Bits

'For some reason- no one knows why - it got a reputation as a power hot dog.'

"Sorry, I refuse to eat anything that has a face."

Lunch at the Carlsbad Caverns.

"I think this may be an appropriate moment to say a few words in memory of the animals we've slaughtered for our pleasure."

"I'm running late—some people were waiting for my table so I had to take my sweet time."