Savvy Diner Gifts

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"For drinks or dinner?"

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

Two scottish gentleman debating over having Welsh rabbit

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"The usual."