Modern Diner Enthusiast Gifts

"We take cash, credit, or you can watch our ad 92 times."

Diner.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

Baracracy

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"Fresh pepper?"

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"The usual."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."