Modern Diner Gifts

"Our ancestors clawed their way to the top of the food chain for THIS??!"

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"Menu?? You mean you haven't downloaded our App?"

If you need anything else, just text me.

"If you should need anything else, you can call me on my cell."

Mobile Phone Served Up In A Restaurant

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"For drinks or dinner?"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"Fresh pepper?"

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'You made me jump,'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!