Elegant Diner Gifts

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

'At least we got to eat before the server went down.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"For drinks or dinner?"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Linguini for two?"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'You made me jump,'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'