Minimalist Diner Gifts

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"For drinks or dinner?"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"Fresh pepper?"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Linguini for two?"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"I'm going across the street for a sandwich and coffee. Can I get you something?"

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'Thanks for the invite: Don't cook anything fancy, I eat pretty much anything...'

"You need a hobby."

"Guac-A-Mole"