Modern Dining Adventurer Gifts

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'How was the squid?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"A table in Siberia, please."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

'Your bill sir.'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

Roadkill Restaurant

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

"And for your entree, sir?"

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiters attention."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"Going early was a good idea. So was bringing our own bottle of wine, While we're on the subject, so was the wheel."

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

Arabian Cuisine

"Oh, we've been a theme restaurant for about a month now."

"...And just what is wrong with deviled ham and deviled eggs?"

"We call this Casual/Retro dining. You get up and make your own PB&J back in the kitchen."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"