Data-driven Diner Gifts

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Bad for you but to die for

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Granny with balanced pie chart

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

'You made me jump,'

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

'Your tea is getting cold.'

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

Internet Restaurant

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'