Comedy Culinary Fan Gifts

Road Kill Cafe.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'He's cured.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'We need more cake shows!'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"