Comedy Gourmet T-Shirts

Railtrack Canteen Menu

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"I like my steak well done."

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

The mushroom pickers

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'Nice Touch!'

"Some volcano roll!"

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."