Gourmet Humorist T-Shirts

"I don't know what it is either...Let's call it 'Chef's Surprise'."

Holy Pizza

One day Mike and a handful of other termites happened upon a turkey sandwich,,, after that it was pretty hard to go back to wood,

Man eating a bad oyster

'... and I'll have the child's plate hamburger, the child's plate chicken sandwich, the child's plate hot dog, the child's plate spaghetti.. the child's plate...'

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

"That was the last of the O-negative."

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'We've really go to learn how to cook.'

'That's right, sir - they ate the salad.'

High Definition TV Dinners.

'This light beer reminds me a lot of San Francisco - it's close to water.'

Boy complaining to street vendor of delicacies

"How's your Blackforest gateau Sir?"

Cuisine on a stick

'Just my usual pie with four and twenty baked blackbirds...'

The mushroom pickers

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'The Burrito King.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.