Joke-loving Gourmet Gifts

"Some volcano roll!"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I like my steak well done."

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

The mushroom pickers

"What will change my life?"

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

'Nice Touch!'

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Holy Pizza

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

Boiling Point

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'Do you have anything that looks like a cantaloupe but tastes like a cheesecake?'

House of Beans.

Christmas canape?

Man eating a bad oyster

Fast Food

"That was the last of the O-negative."