Gourmet Jokester Gifts

'Nice Touch!'

"Our salmon is wild. Our cook is farm-raised."

"Bangers and mash, I'd like you to meet marshmallow and marmite, a really delightful couple. . ."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Bangers and Mash

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Onion operation.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"I like my steak well done."

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

The mushroom pickers

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.