Gourmet Jokester Pillows

'Nice Touch!'

"Our salmon is wild. Our cook is farm-raised."

"Bangers and mash, I'd like you to meet marshmallow and marmite, a really delightful couple. . ."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Bangers and Mash

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Onion operation.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"I like my steak well done."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

The mushroom pickers

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'