Culinary Jokesters Pillows

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

"I can recommend the steak if you've got your own teeth."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"States of tofu"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Chez Nous Menu

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Soup of the month.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

6 Brothers Falafel

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Cookbooks

Lesser known greek gods,

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Wok. Don't Wok.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."