Foodie Jokester Pillows

'You dope. You bought Hamburger Helper, but this is lamb.'

Sam's Gourmet Diner. I'll have chicken and he'll have eggs -- we want to see which one comes first.

The Fast Diet

Fish yardsticks...

I don't care if you guys are all on diets, if you keep ordering from the childrens' menu I won't serve you any beer!

Bangers and Mash

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Lockdown casserole

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"