Foodie Jokester Pillows

'You dope. You bought Hamburger Helper, but this is lamb.'

The Fast Diet

Fish yardsticks...

I don't care if you guys are all on diets, if you keep ordering from the childrens' menu I won't serve you any beer!

Bangers and Mash

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Lockdown casserole

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'