Joking Foodie Pillows

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Bangers and Mash

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"How was the food sir?"

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

'A medium pizza, please...with anchovies on just one side!'

"May your year be pear-fect."

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'I hope it's a taste test. There are no right or wrong answers on a taste test.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'It happens every time I eat bacon - I immediately develop this large rasher on my chest, doc.'

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

"My aged cheddar died!"

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

'The house wine sir.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

Obese kid in nursery.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'