Joking Foodie Pillows

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Bangers and Mash

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'A medium pizza, please...with anchovies on just one side!'

"How was the food sir?"

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"May your year be pear-fect."

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'I hope it's a taste test. There are no right or wrong answers on a taste test.'

'It happens every time I eat bacon - I immediately develop this large rasher on my chest, doc.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

'The house wine sir.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

"My aged cheddar died!"

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.