Humor Foodie Pillows

Today. Salad and Rotisserie Chicken. The last time I had a salad and a rotisseries chicken, I tossed and turned all night.

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'If you're in a hurry, why did you order the snails?'

'Everything's off except the weak and the sick.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

Filet minion

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"My guess it's guacamole."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Better Not Squash.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"