Food Joke Aficionado Pillows

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Bangers and Mash

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Lockdown casserole

Better Not Squash.

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

Murderous Chef

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

"May your year be pear-fect."

Where 'Stewed Tomatoes' come from.

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.