Food Joke Aficionado Gifts

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Bangers and Mash

Lockdown casserole

Better Not Squash.

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

Murderous Chef

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'He's cured.'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

Waiter, why are there TWO flies in my soup? The second fly is the first fly's attorney.

"May your year be pear-fect."

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.

The Trace Adkins Diet