Culinary Joking Aficionado Gifts

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Bangers and Mash

Lockdown casserole

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Too much salt!'

"Rare, medium or well done?"

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

Flatware Follies.

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."