Joke-loving Foodie Gifts

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Bangers and Mash

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Lockdown casserole

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

Murderous Chef

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

Ranch Dressing

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'The store was out of bread, so instead I bought bagels.'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'