Humor Loving Foodie Gifts

Factory Second Food

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Lockdown casserole

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Better Not Squash.

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

Murderous Chef

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'He's cured.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"