Joke-loving Foodie Pillows

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Bangers and Mash

Lockdown casserole

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

Ranch Dressing

Murderous Chef

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'The store was out of bread, so instead I bought bagels.'

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'