Gourmet Jokesters Pillows

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Onion operation.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I like my steak well done."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

The mushroom pickers

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

"What will change my life?"

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"