Gourmet Coffee Jokester Gifts

"I'm inviting you all to taste test a new, cheaper blend of coffee."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

Onion operation.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Men dancing

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

The mushroom pickers

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."