Grocery Shopping Humorist Gifts

Low income vampires.

'This box must be fresher. It has to be sold by July 2800, where as this one has to be sold by June 2905.'

Lemon Harangue Pie Mix

"Excuse me - do these chickens get any bigger?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'The stuff legends are made of'

Great moments in shopping

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

Self Checkout

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Fresh milk - Self service

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'This could be a new record!'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

'We're out of peanut butter.'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?

Market items.