Grocery Shopping Satirist Gifts

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'You now have over 1,750,000 travel points. Enough to get you from here to your car in the parking lot.'

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Eye of Newt Helper

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Low income vampires.

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Self Checkout

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Woman walking past Five Guys.