Grocery Shopping Satirist Pillows

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'You now have over 1,750,000 travel points. Enough to get you from here to your car in the parking lot.'

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

Eye of Newt Helper

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

Self Checkout

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'This could be a new record!'

Crap Nav

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.