Shopping Spree Satirist Gifts

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

They get into debt so fast these days...

Pirates at the mall.

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Eye of Newt Helper

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

"We could go out to eat every night and cut our grocery bill to nothing."

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Low income vampires.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Great moments in shopping

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

Mail-Order Yard Sale

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.