Shopaholic Satirist Gifts

FOOD, CLOTHING, AND SHELTER, 'These 'big box' stores are getting out of hand.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Sign Reform

They get into debt so fast these days...

Pirates at the mall.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

"We could go out to eat every night and cut our grocery bill to nothing."

Pirate trying on parrots.

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Great moments in shopping

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'