Shopaholic Humorist Gifts

'As long as you're going to the mall, get all the sales tax.'

"So I'm just looking around - right? - when this invisible hand of the market reaches into my purse and maxes out all of my credit cards!"

National Shopaholics Anonymous.

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Buyer's Remorse Support Group.

"You look pale, dear. Care to borrow my new make-up?"

"The one side effect of this mood medication you'll really like is the urge to go shopping."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

IRS, 'Oh, go ahead and buy it, dear †I'm expecting a big bonus.'

'You've not been panic buying shoes again?'

'It's you.'

Now can I use the credit card!!

'I just bought 17 subscriptions to compulsive buyer.'

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Shopper at 500 Items or Less in market.

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

"It was an impulse purchase."

"You never buy anything I want."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What kind of bra are you looking for?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

Pirate trying on parrots.