Shopaholic Satire Gifts

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

'Books by celebrities.'

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

They get into debt so fast these days...

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Pirate trying on parrots.

"We could go out to eat every night and cut our grocery bill to nothing."

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."