Shopaholic Humour Gifts

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

Pirate trying on parrots.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'It's you.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Fresh milk - Self service

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

Crap Nav

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

Woman walking past Five Guys.

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'