Shopping Humor Gifts

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

Pirate trying on parrots.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Low income vampires.

Self Checkout

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

Fresh milk - Self service

Woman walking past Five Guys.

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

Crap Nav

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

Gross pig size!

Bed, Bath & Younder

'Some achieve fame. I've achieved a stack of catalogs full of sticky notes.'

Market items.

I shopped in the Garden of Eden.