Shopping Humorists Gifts

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'Yes?'

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Low income vampires.

Shop signs.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

'It's you.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

Fresh milk - Self service

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".