Shopping Humorists Pillows

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

Great moments in shopping

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Low income vampires.

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'It's you.'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Fresh milk - Self service

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

Crap Nav

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".