Humorist With A Shopping Twist Pillows

Having shopped until she dropped, Kathy finally finds the PERFECT card.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Pirates at the mall.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"How much is the sign?"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Man stands in front of rows of kangaroos next to a sign that reads "Final Clearance - Entire stock of kanagroos".

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

Santa checking out sleigh beds.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Low income vampires.

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Shop signs.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Great moments in shopping

'It's you.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Fresh milk - Self service

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Toothpaste mental shutdown.