Shopping Comedian Gifts

"D'you want to take me out tonight?"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Only One Item or Fewer.

Pirates at the mall.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"How much is the sign?"

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

Great moments in shopping

Shop signs.

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Low income vampires.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

'It's you.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Fresh milk - Self service

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

'Which eight do you want?'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

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