Store Comedian Gifts

'It all started off trying to save time,now its just to anoy everyone'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

'Yes?'

Free Range / Deranged

"We no longer shelve gay fiction separately. It's been assimilated."

'Lucky they've got a glazer'.

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"I had to let that new lad go, I caught him with his hand in the trill"

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

Fresh milk - Self service

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

'Are you over 18 stone?'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

Market items.

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

He doesn't look sorry!