Market Comedian Gifts

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'He's chasing the market.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'Yes?'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.