Market Comedian Pillows

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'He's chasing the market.'

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.