Market Humorist Pillows

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'Stocks rose on rumors of a possible merger between 'style' and 'substance'.'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Now that's a scary Halloween disguise."

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'He's chasing the market.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Seven deadly sins store

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."